BEST WEBSITE EVER

www.textsfromlastnight.com - some hall of fame texts lol some of these remind me of the stupid shit we send

(313): Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
(313): Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver

(773): you want me
(978): i'd rather choke on a dick.

(512): My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house


(650): More like add some salt to my asshole and you'll have homemade habanero chipotle sauce


(847): All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg

(941): i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
(212): Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
(212): Really
(941): You win

(815): Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
(630): It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.

(818): On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?

(512): Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer

(914): Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way

(208): i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.

(617): i feel rough
(617): just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.

(419): I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.

(310): dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
(323): no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
(310): oh, so thats why my junks red.
(323): wow. cant help you there...


(415): Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.

(917): last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
(917): this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
(917): he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
(718): messed up. what color are the wings?

(310): All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive

(317): Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.

(913): i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
(816): i think im in thre room next to you

haha love you bitches