So I don't know what it is about vacations but they always make me want someone that I can think about. Something about being away from the routine of normal life has always made me need somebody to miss..and this past week that's all I could think about. It wasn't so bad thinking about it while I was lying on a beautiful beach in the Bahamas, but still. Anyway I don't know if it's just coming around that time when the whole "woooo I'm single" thing is getting a little old...as I've heard all my friends say that it would...but things are getting pretty fucking lonely in liz-ville. And I don't like it. And I really don't like missing him. Because I don't know what I'm really missing, if its him or if it's just someone to be there. All I know is that this feeling sucks and I thought I wasn't going to be the girl that needed someone to make me feel better about myself...and I was wrong. Fuck.
I know that I need to get over this and I need to get to a good place where I'm happy with myself. It would be alot easier to do this if I had some distraction - someone, ANYONE to distract me. But then at the same time I don't know how I expect myself to find any distractions by just sitting on my ass and not doing anything about it. I wish I was more like Jessie, that I could give up my inhibitions and open up to people. Or at least just be more outgoing. I don't know how to do this single thing...and it's been almost 5 months already.
This post is not getting any easier to write considering I keep listening to the same fucking sad songs. Also, as I write this, I'm having the first long conversation I've had with him in like 3 months. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck my life. fffffffml.com.
All I hope is that tomorrow is a better day.
I may be outgoing and seem confident, but I get lonely. Even in a relationship. You'll heal quicker with holes if you jump into something. You'll heal stronger on your own. In the mean time... get it in gurrlll.
ReplyDelete....I'll be there to snuggle right after.
<3